Because the Men are Jaded Too
Posted by Renaissance | Posted on 4:24 PM
If there is one thing I've learned from Twitter, it is that men have feelings too.
Sure, I knew this before tweets about "trifling" females flooded my timeline. But there is something about cyberspace that gives men more room to be expressive. As of late there have been more rants about women who don't know what they want and who screw over the nice guy than "all men are dogs" banter.
I've found myself trying to reassure the guys in my life that in due time he will find the woman who appreciates all that he does and all that he stands for... it's actually kind weird for me at times.
Why? Maybe at some point I started believing that men didn't have feelings. It's possible that with all of the emphasis on the wants, needs, complaints, and problems with single women, I failed to look at same areas for single men.
There are men who think women play too many games. There are fellas who complain about non-committal/ cheating females. There are men who want a wife and children, but not sure that there are ladies good enough for the titles and responsibilities.
Last night I was hanging with Mr. Cooper and some homies when we got on the subject of nice guys finishing last. It's a term I hate. I usually bring up my theory that while they don't always finish last, they are slow to start and that's where some of the issues come into play. In the middle of my explaining how and why I opt for the good ones, he stopped me. "You're one person," he said, "so while you may be different, I can give you example after example of women who don't think like you." I didn't have a response. What do you say to that? What can you say to that?
Later, I sent a text telling him not to be too jaded. The next day I found myself asking another young man not to be too jaded.
Now it seems I'm spending time trying make sure the men and the women in my life don't become damaged goods.
But I know it's not that simple.
I'm damaged too.
I too have often found myself telling men that not all women are like this or like that. But I also look at the type of women they choose and what they value when choosing mates. I feel that a lot of men choose women based off of superficial reasons and then get mad they end up being superficial. I often found that the good men don't REALLY want the good girl or if they do they aren't really ready for her now.
Was reading Belle's blog archives & didn't know you had a blog until now. I'm following from here on out...
Anyway I know how you feel because when I went through my bitter phase in my 20s I felt men didn't have feelings, even though I don't believe that anymore. I've shut myself off for many years now. I've had a few guys that I liked, but no relationship in 6 yrs. I've not been unhappy all this time, just focused on all other aspects of my life other than a relationship. It's been the only way to deal with one too many failed relationships. It wasn't wasted time cause I learned a lot from all of them, but I'm at a point where I'm honestly not interested in getting to know someone on that level, maybe one day, just not now.
We're all so damaged that it's difficult not to be. We all carry baggage. I think it's up to the person we get into a situation with to assure us that they don't have to worry over the damage. So, when you get into something with someone, it is also your responsibility to help lift that person up. We all could use a crutch when it comes to love.
@Chinyere I definitely feel you. I kinda touch on that in http://renaissance20.blogspot.com/2010/03/trophy-material.html
@Effervescence Thanks for reading and Welcome! I love that you said it wasn't wasted time. A lot of times we don't take the lessons.
@RhapsoDY we are all damaged! I think the first step is admitting that so people know where they can support you. Too often we aren't honest about the impact of situations from our past.