Things Fall Apart (Part II)
Posted by Renaissance | Posted on 1:36 PM
And I believe when you say that you've lost all faith
But you must believe in something, something, something
You gotta believe in something, something, something...
I just don't believe we're wicked
I know that we sin but I do believe we try
We all try...
- Frank Ocean, "Well All Try," Nostalgia/Ultra
So if we know that things fall apart and think that Paul was a liar, why do we try?
Some of don't. We take the easy way out. And then when we figure out that that doesn't really work, we half-hope. We half-believe. If I could count the number of times I've heard someone who had enough courage to love and believe in love fully be labeled a fool who believes in fairy tales...
After talking to my friend about our ideal union that came undone, I had dinner with another friend who knew the story well. She was actually one of the first people with whom I had the "If they can't make it," convo. Two Oakland girls in a Harlem apartment eating pasta with sauteed spinach and mushrooms, drinking wine, discussing our attraction to things that fall apart. The men who clearly didn't fit. The situations that were clearly bad. How easy, and inevitable, it was for the unavailable to attract other unavailable folks.
On the way out I raided her bookshelf. My first selection? All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks.
Youth culture today is cynical about love. And that cynicism has come from their pervasive feeling that love cannot be found. Expressing this concern in When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough, Harold Kushner writes: "I am afraid that we may be raising a generation of young people who will grow up afraid to love, afraid to give themselves completely to another person, because they will have seen how much it hurts to take the risk of loving and have it not work out. I am afraid that they will grow up looking for intimacy without risk, for pleasure without significant emotional investment. They will be so fearful of the pain and disappointment that they will forgo the possibilities of love and joy." Young people are cynical about love. Ultimately, cynicism is the great mask of the disappointed and betrayed heart. – pg xviii
I was reminded of a conversation with two other Bay Area homies about getting into situations because they had a clear way out.
For many of us, things were falling apart because instead of looking for/waiting for the real thing, we'd rather choose things that were clearly destined to fell, that way we wouldn't be too disappointed. Folks even had a set list of signs, an exit strategy if you will. It was the smart way to this if things were gonna fall apart anyway...
It felt like control. It felt like intelligence. We were minimizing risk. And we knew enough jaded people who would celebrate our shared cynicism as signs of genius and focus.
But in reality being cynical was becoming too draining.
Yes, things fall apart. But we want to believe they don't have to.
We're trying to believe they don't have to.
Luv this post. It is true, younger generations do take the easy way out because if things do fall apart, its not so much of a risk; more like a "cushion". Afraid of getting hurt or putting out more than I receive, I've done the same, but it surely doesn't make life any more fun. Lol This post really puts things in perspective...I have to read this Bell Hooks!
@Ash Thanks! Let me know what you think of the book. there are a few more things I want to touch on soon. I'm in this space where I'm realizing how much of the stuff we do to "protect" ourselves actually hurts us in the long run. It's all a cycle.
Yes definitely a cycle of life that we all go through at some point. The phrase "growing into myself" fits perfectly because the reasons we did 'protect' ourselves before change as we go through life and reconstruct everything from different perspectives. It is amazing to me how much we evolve.